Well, I have become all introspective about
health, body image and eating (here's another good link) since I started the no sugar thing (I've never felt better by the way). Right about the same time I mentioned that I was thinking of giving up sugar to the family 2 other things happened. The first was that Piper suddenly started locking the bathroom door when she was taking a bath. Of course I knew that was coming but still it was odd-she still seems young to me to be getting conscious about her body. The second thing that happened was that she (Piper) came home from school one day and seemed agitated and grumpy. After a bit of talking, it came out that they had done a math activity at school where they made a graph of their heights and weights as a class. She was the tallest in the class and the heaviest girl and she was really upset about it. I hate to admit that I was at a loss. I didn't know what to say and the more I thought about it the more I started wondering why I had never talked to her about body image before. I mean, we've been talking about 'stranger danger' and saying no to drugs and all of those kinds of things since they were old enough to listen. I feel like body image is just as big of a danger to my girls as drugs or strangers or the kids they hang out with. Why have I waited this long to talk to them about it? I almost feel like it's too late now-I wish I had thought to start when they were young so that bringing it up now didn't feel so awkward.
I'm trying to decided how to talk to her about the thing that has and still does occupy more than it's fair share of my brain power (that would be my body). How do you tell an 8 year old that people will judge you for how you look and that you lost the genetic lottery when it came to being tiny and slim? I want to tell her not to waste any time worrying about her body but I know that I do so how can I expect her not to? I guess the question is how do you teach your child something that you still struggle with?
I am realizing that I have to be an example to my girls of how to take care of yourself as a woman and also how to just love what you've been given. I have some major changes coming with Piper as a 'tween' and with Hazel and her health problems. She is going to have lots of eating, digestion and weight issues too. Anyway-just thinking on the blog here. This is something that will be in my thoughts a lot in the next 20 years as we try to maneuver our 4 girls thru their young lives and into adulthood.
8 comments:
Not to be evil, but the teacher ought to have known better, doing graphs on height and weight will make girls feel self-conscious and boys also feel self-conscious about height. That was a bad choice for a teacher. Choose something else to graph. Kids have enough difficulties, teachers shouldn't be adding to them. Stuff like that makes me angry. I am sure she didn't do it on purpose, but maybe she should get some feedback so she won't make that mistake again!
I totally agree with Laura on this one. I feel you should definitely talk with the teacher. I noticed that Piper seemed sad when we were there and I hope this was not what was causing it, but I wouldn't be surprised at all. This is a huge problem and has affected far too many perfectly normal, not average women.
I must say it never really goes away either so we need to collectively come up with something that can help these young girls and boys. There has to be some way to ease it for them. There has been enough suffering in this world over anything that makes us different and I feel that last great prejudice that hasn't been addressed regarding political correctness has to do with someone's size. It is no one else's business and the ignornace surrounding it is exasperating! My prayers are with you and also I will do plenty of it myself. Nobody messes with these precious kids! I feel like calling the teacher myself!!
On a positive note. My daughter was the tallest in her class in Elementary and you know what? She is only 5'2" now!!! Go figure. We thought for sure she was going to be as tall as her great grandma at 5'9". That doesn't mean that she's going to end up tall and heavy. And height just naturally comes w/weight. Actually I have 2 other daughters one was always thin and wispy, the other was a chubby baby and little girl up through Elementary. Now she's the size 1 and my wispy daughter is a size 7! Maybe this will help. Everyone grows differently.
Yep the teacher shouldn't have done it, but maybe these facts can help you talk to your daughter.
Good Luck!
Hi Jen, I followed the link off Vanessa's blog, hopefully you don't mind!
But we are already seeing this with Leah (7yrs) as well. And I like you have some body issues. We've been trying really hard to encourage her to eat healthy and understand that we all have different bodies. But it is tough. We will be on the same mission as you the next 20 years with our four girls. -Jessica R
When you come up with any ideas let me know! I remember hiding my legs in my honeymoon pictures (and I was 120lbs!) psycho!! I don't have the answer and this same topic has been on my mind because my kids see and hear how I respond to my own weight. Zack asked me the other day "When are you going to turn skinny?" Nice. Savannah won't wear certain pants because they make her "look fat". OMH! This does need to be addressed. Have you called Piper's teacher yet?!
That teacher was so wrong but I grew up with teachers doing that all the time. Haven't they learned anything in the last twenty years? Leave the kids alone!!!
This can be difficult with girls. I just make sure I never say rude things about my body in front of my children. Even though I would love to lose weight I don't talk about it with them. My eight year old daughter actually has health problems that keep her thin and she struggles with people telling her she doesn't eat enough and trying to force her to eat more (her grandparents mostly). She knows it's not anyone else's business how thin she is and if they mention it they are being very rude.
I do not think the teacher had any intention of making Piper feel bad but I do see how it innocently happened. The teacher herself is not a little woman and is very much pro womens issues. I think a talk with her would make her aware of how Piper is feeling and she could be more intune with that in the future. As a child who towered above most of the boys in grade school and middle school and was the butt of alot of jokes. I did not use the recommended methods to work through these issues. I was known for physically taking guys down who dared mess with me or my friends. One neighbor kid had his fair share of whitewashings from me. Piper needs to be taught better skills than this :)
I'm soo sorry! I was always short, and muscular, and became Bulimic for 15 years, I really think that if you talk to piper, about loving what you have and keep telling her how beautiful she is ( i know you already do this) she might be able to have a good body image, it's tougher said than done, and trust me just because someone isn't thought of as "bigger" by others, eating disorders arn't predjudice, in my head I was one of the UGLIEST persons alive for so long. Unfortunatly, all I can give for advise, is this, no matter what the body size, I was small and still hated myself, and one of my good friends was a bigger size but she was confident and loved herself, she excersised and ate good, to herself she was beautiful and this made others drawn to her. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that no matter what size we are we are all fighting the same monster, all we can do is to make our home and our family a wonderful place to escape to. love you!
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